1503 - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

I must have added this film to my ziplist (yes, I still have my zip account… probably not for long though… netflix rules!) back when it was theatres and before it got it's ass handed to it by pretty much everyone who saw it, and I guess I never got around to taking it off the list.  So it arrived.  And despite it's ridiculous length of two and a half hours, I decided to give it a whirl.  Is Shia charming?  Sure.  Is Megan Fox shot in wonderful gratuity?  Absolutely.  Are both of them here by contractual obligation?  I can only assume.
My biggest complaint with the original was that I barely could follow the action and understand who was fighting who.  And that's probably the only thing that's been improved in this version.  They hold the action in a lot wider of a scope.
I'm not really a typical guy that's into cars, so even that angle doesn't turn me on.  There is absolutely nothing going on here that's interesting in terms of characters or relationships.  On the other hand, no one blows shit up like Michael Bay.  And no one uses more spray-tans on actors.  Seriously, why the hell is Michael Bay obsessed with ridiculous spray-tans.  Seriously almost everyone looks like an Oompa-Loompa, especially the girls.  And the one who *SPOILER ALERT* turns out to be a Decepticon looks like a burn victim.  I love how their idea of humous is using American ignorance, the best example being Sam's parents in Paris trying their food and saying it tastes like "Canadian Goose Poop".  Seriously, their attempt at "jokes" here is enough to make a five year old groan.
The final battle is underwhelming and the melodrama surrounding Shia's near-death is eye-roll enducing.  The fact that his whole arc is based around not being able to tell Megan Fox that he loves her is utterly ridiculous and lame. (although I do love the irony that, given the emphasis on this, she's absent from the next film, replaced by a new love interest)
This is the kind of film where if you want to see it, you're going to see it.  But it's just… kinda pointless.  But I'm sure HASBRO sold some more action figures thanks to it... so there's that.Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Single-Disc Edition)Transformers Battle Ops BumblebeeTransformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Two-Disc Special Edition) [Blu-ray]